K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
