Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
