There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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