If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
