were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
