strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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