dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I think my fart just growled at me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
