what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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