let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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