i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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