We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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