I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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