i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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