How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
