I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize