There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
