Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
