There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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