Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
