It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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