well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
