YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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