that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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