Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
