Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
