she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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