I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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