am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
