I'm so fucking centered right now
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
