sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
