I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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