After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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