Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
