and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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