Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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