Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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