your parents love me but you hate me
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
