I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
