the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
