Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
