im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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