That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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