I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
