Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
