Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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