So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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