hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
