Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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