i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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