Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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