I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize