then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
