i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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