Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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