Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
