Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
