This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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