i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
