I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
