I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
