I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
