I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
