i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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