I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Semen is not good for contacts.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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