Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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