we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
