I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
