So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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