last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
