so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
