But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Non-Jews are for practice
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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