Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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