Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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