i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
