Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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