Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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