I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
