When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
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You. Win. At. Life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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