I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
