I wannas sexs uuuuu
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
