It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
