I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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