OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you win again, gameday.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
