I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
