Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
